I haven’t fallen in over 6 months, mostly due to how I manage my rest and avoid over extending myself. Unfortunately I had a few more appointments than usual this week, including one that I showed up for that didn’t happen…and I was just pissed at myself for not reconfirming ahead of time! And I was feeling a bit overextended. Couple that with a schedule shift on Thursday and a speech early on friday…and I was POOPED after my thurdays massage. So I walked into my home and with in 5 minutes did a faceplant into the carpet! Complete with rug burns on my face, under my left eye. UGH.

I felt my neck crack as I hit the ground …I hit the floor with my right knee and left cheekbone and temple and for the 1st time thought “I wonder if it’s time for life alert?” I had had my phone in my hand so it was near me, and as I did a mental checklist feeling my body from the inside out to see if there was a serious injury…all I can think of is “If I have to go to the emergency room I’m gonna have a helluva time getting up and ready for my speech tomorrow morning”. After I realized I was shaken but not broken, I calmed down and rested on the couch before going to bed early. I put my thoughts and concerns aside to be dealt with after my speech on friday.

As I’ll blog about later the speech went great ( other than being late due to rain and a dirth of cabs at 7:30 am), however my mindset took a nose dive into the abyss over the weekend. I found myself being lethargic and completely stopped regarding my productivity as well as hyper-emotional. I slept a good portion of the weekend and my ability to focus has been disrupted by a concern and mourning the death of my independence. The emotional impact of not feeling safe at home in my sanctuary drained me. “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up…” almost happened to me. BLECH.

It’s time for a shower chair, a further abbreviated schedule and seriously curbing the number of meetings I’m taking. So- I combined a training class with another course in session to free up Mondays again. I’m back to a sacred 3 day weekend. I feel like I’m a yo-yo: one step forward 2 steps back…and pushing myself is getting me no where. I’ve been faking it til I make it all week. It’s time to re group to re-re-re-prioritize. It’s odd to be talking to others about expanding their capacities and structuring their lives to handle more activity while experiencing a shrinking world myself. This constant retreat is a pain in my attitude.