Posts Tagged ‘self care’

Listening to Godot

Saturday, September 18th, 2010 by annemarie

Most of us pay lip service to the concept of our body as a temple in which our soul resides; until we are sick or aging that is…Then we check our reflection and see how accurate and grounded in reality that heavenly phrase really is.

The magnificence of a healthy properly functioning human body is indeed a temple without equal in our physical world. No Cathedral, Synagogue or Mosque; no matter how stunning comes close to our individual house of God. Our “skin Bag” is mistreated, inflated, abused, starved and more often than not poisoned by a mismanaged food supply. Forced growth and chemically altered food like products populate 85% of our grocers shelves…Somehow corn is everywhere: from plastic cups to plasticized foods which are eaten more than the natural vegetable itself.

Somewhere we as a people went off. We forgot God lives here…in us…through us…and our bodies are a work of art, a fitting temple for the divine. An instrument for the expression and expansion of the magnificence of God that each and every one of us is here to be. I had forgotten, but now I remember. I was blind but now I see. It’s the God in me talking to the God in you…PSST! Wake up!

Vote with you fork. NO FAKE FOOD. Honor you body as you would honor your God’s house, from who you share it with to how you fuel it to the products you use…1st do no harm. 2nd use nothing you can’t pronounce. 3rd if you can’t eat it don’t put it on your skin. Use premium fresh local organic food whenever possible. When you are healthy you may not notice that big a difference, I promise you once you deal with a compromised immune system you notice everything from the effect of shampoo to the energy drain of a soda. Why stress your system?

I’m not saying go dip yourself in cherub dust and become a freaking angel overnight! I’m saying get conscious, make more choices that empower your health and wellbeing and mind and spirit.

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Origins of the Master Plan: Part 1

Wednesday, September 15th, 2010 by annemarie

My life was turned upside down in 2006 when I found myself unable to do my job due to my disintegrating speech. I resigned in January and it took 7 months to get my replacement hired so by July I was exhausted, suffering from constant jaw pain and a regular headache that wrapped around my head like Brett Micheal’s bandana. I had built a life around my voice, vitality and myself expression. What was I going to do? How could I make a living? Would I ever feel rested again? I wondered as I slept 18 hours a day for 4 months…and no doctor could tell me what was wrong.

I created the practices that became the Master Plan out of my need to keep myself sane and moving forward in the face of this fatigue, uncertainty, diminishing capacities. I had no marketable skills other than my voice as all the things I was trained in revolved around communication in the moment. I didn’t know what was happening to me though undoubtably something was…I had no job, no insurance ( my cobra payment was more than my rent in downtown Chicago!) no computer skills, and at 40 my boyfriend and I were falling apart. Peachy. It would be 3 years until I was diagnosed with ALS. I was frightened, pissed off, alone and exhausted. Did I mention I was a good 80 lbs over weight? YEAH. Joy.

The only consistent advice I got from physicians was a perscription for anti-depressants, repeatedly 15 times over…while the path to depression was laid out before me, when I looked inside myself what I saw was UPSET and FRUSTRATION not depression. Though I had become prone to crying jags ( what would later be termed a symptom of Emotional Lability) especially when confronting a physician and my own circumstance, I was shocked at how people wouldn’t listen to me about my experience and were quick to label me as “clearly depressed” when that was not my experience at all! Few people could be with the emotions as they rolled through me, often at inopportune times. I steered clear of the meds.

I became more isolated. My life went from interacting with hundreds of people each week to a hand full. I got quiet. I went inside. having been told everything from “You’re just being lazy” about my speech to “It’s all in your head” about my fatigue…I started with 1 thought: IF IT’S TRUE FOR ME THEN IT IS. And I began to listen for my voice, my instincts and what my intuition had to say about my circumstance. Though I can still appreciate the value of looking at things from new/other points of view, I saw I had surrendered my own point of view to a cause and that combined with a penchant for over-giving altruism created an imbalance. I believe that imbalance~ putting the mission of another above myself and my wellness made me sick. I had been concerned with proving my own worth, I had not been responsible for myself. I needed to reconnect. I needed a plan.

Fortunately I am adept at planning, having managed a department with 300+ volunteers…I knew the pitfalls and the problems from over planning and under acting as well as getting discouraged by the miasma of overwhelm that can effect a thorough plan. Especially in the face of that fatigue, I knew I had to keep it simple, doable and encouraging. I needed nourishment, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. I put opportunities to be nourished in my plan. I made my “job” moving something forward in every domain of my life on a weekly basis. I treated every area of life as a department that needed to produce clear results, then I created a “guiding intent” for each area. I worked on keeping my mind clear and focused, so I could step away from the uncertainty of my circumstances, and think about and work on re-creating my life.

As I began to honor myself 1st, things began to move. I made the committment to manage myself differently with an eye on sustainable productivity versus productivity at any cost. I created a physical environment that supported “flow” and effective action versus PRESS. Oddly enough, I began to experienced being fulfilled in the journey~ even though my situation hadn’t changed health wise, people began to reach out to me for coaching and support. As I trained them in the method I had used on myself, the Master Plan was born and refined. I kept reading, researching and implementing the latest from positive psychology and used reliable texts for support: everything from SunTzu to Wallace Wattles to the lastest neurological research.

I believe the Master Plan is so effective because it’s written from the participants point of view. 1st you clear your mind of errant thoughts, 2nd you are nurtured and empowered, then you are naturally in action on what is important to you, and we implement practices that maintain wellness and improve efficiency and expand capacities over 12 weeks. These practices become ingrained as habits as you are trained in planning. You create relationships and environments at work and at home that set you up to win. The results are as astounding for others as they were for me. It is my legacy and I believe my purpose to alter the way people are managed. Sustainable excellence is possible in fact required to move us forward as human beings. We have seen how over work doesn’t work over time…it’s time to manage for the whole person not just results in the short term.

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Familial ALS~ it’s only 10% genetic

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010 by annemarie

So many people are astounded when I tell them that only 10% of ALS patients get ALS from their DNA.
ALS is 90% SPONTANEOUS. That means it can happen to you! Which might be the best arguement for taking care of oneself that I’ve ever heard.

I have my own suspicions of what causes ALS but officially we don’t know. What we do know is it manifests differently in different patients
10% Bulbar onset like me where your speech, swallowing and facial control goes first, and the rest get a dragging foot or hand weakness first that progresses inward from the extremities.

Familial ALS is a subset of a subset, and the resources available for people with FALS are scarce. I’ve met families who have lost 8,10, 14 even 20 -30 people in the last 2 generations from ALS. I met one woman at the ALS Advcacy Days who can trace ALS back for 7-8 generations due to symptoms and records. These families don’t “borrow ” the hospital beds for the home and the high tech equipment, they have learned just to put it in storage for the next time someone needs it.

In my family my uncle had ALS and I have ALS. I am fervently praying that this is more coincidence than genetic. Ironically, I grew up thinking I had chosen my parents quite well and in the deep end of the gene pool…My grandparents all lived long lives (3 well into their 90’s) and most of my family is peternaturally strong, athletic and mensa quality folk. So while the Schlekeway family is a bunch of teachers, high performing jocks and all around awesome giving people, we may also be susceptible to the manifestation of what is called ALS. I do not want my family to think for a moment that they are a slave to this possibility~ as I have seen other families become and act like. Quaking in fear of the day the diagnosis hammer will fall on them or their children…to the point they medicate themselves with all the anti anxiety/anti depressants that are so prolific in our culture. This I do not recommend…The testing or the meds-I dont get the value of testing for the gene sod1 or any other gene that might give you a heads up on a disease. LIVE YOUR LIFE. Deal with it if it comes, but don’t invite it in to set up an apartment in your prefrontal cortext until it manifests itself for crying out loud!

You all will do what you’re going to do, but digging a ditch to wallow in is a dangerous thing. I may have had the gene( I don’t actually know) but I’m sure that my lifestyle of extreme working and living had alot to do with tripping it’s trigger. Would I have lived differently had I known I had a gene for something? I doubt it, I’m a stubborn creature. I always think I’m the exception. I have never mastered until recently the art of SELF CARE.

Here’s a few tips:
Don’t work 70-80 hours a week
Don’t stuff your emotions especially after a trauma (like an assault) or any other insult
Do work out and keep in shape
Dont pollute your body with CRAP- eat real food, no smoking, avoid preservatives and mass produced meat and poultry
Dont confuse diet soda/soda with water
Don’t live with mercury filings -get them removed
Be rigorous about caring for head injuries
Don’t work until you are depleted, tend to your adrenal health
Get educated about what’s in our food and environment, and do what you can to cleanse yours.

I could go on but then this would be a rant…you get the picture! Given that ALS is 90% Spontaneous, and on the rise with all the other autoimmune diseases; do yourself a big fat favor~ Take care of you and your body first…with out that you got squat.

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Ode to my calf muscles

Monday, June 7th, 2010 by annemarie

Dear Calves~ thank you for your service! You’ve always been mighty!
The kind of calves that got me noticed in the gym, and many many requests for ” How did you get those calves?” The answer of course was genetics plus point shoes at 12 years old…I could say the same for my glutes and hamstrings which were also remakable but not quite the stars like my calves were.

I say were, because this week I noticed how different the calves are now – this is a new development just in the last 4 months, my calves are suddenly angular, linear where they were curvaceous. My legs are noticibly weaker, I have begun to fall from time to time. The balance muscles are going~ the anterior and interior ones that keep you upright over uneven ground are leaving me. Just 2 months ago I finally stopped wearing real heels…as in 3-4 inch heels. Much to my doctors distress I had continued to wear them for 3 years after they advised me not to… but it was actually easier to walk in them due to the 1st signs of weakness in my left calf being along the shin bone and responsible for the flexation of my foot, so as my foot drags in flats I was more susceptible to falling in flats. I still look for a shoe with a 1-2 inch rise, because it helps me walk. Thank god the elevated sneakers are in vogue again! Spoken like a true shoe collector I’m clear… I have given away over 100 pair of shoes through out the past year as they became unwearable.

The curve is gone the cut up the middle of the back of my calf is gone, I miss the shapely-ness of it- the-no-matter-how-fat-I-got-I-still-had-great-legs-count-on-ability of it, the stregnth of it~ these are the legs that could squat 425 lbs in my mid 20’s ( which is probably why I have walked under my own power for so long), the extraordinary look of the well formed muscle tapering into the slim ankle…I would have been a hit in the late 1800’s when a well turned ankle was the bombdiggety of attractiveness! It probably says something about our culture that what freaks me out with the most emotional impact is not the reduction in my breathing ( though I wont go swimming again!) it’s the muscle twitching in my face, the screwed up facial expression I get whenever I drink wine, the drooling that becomes increasingly difficult to control, and loss of the muscle groups I could always count on for attractiveness. Forget looking good I’d just like to pass for normal! Which is hard to do when your ass falls off! Yes my formerly righteous bubble butt is gone as well…let’s just say that my nick name in highschool was “buns” and Boom-Boom.

Whats really amazing is how attached we are as human beings to our identity, or to how we have come to know ourselves…I can be as transformed as I want or as philisophicallly grounded as I want AND it does not prevent the IMPACT of the LOSS of who I had known myself to be! How I knew myself to look, and other constructs that became how I got along in the world. I have known that the physical structures in our environment set us up for how we move and manage ourselves but I was always looking at my SURROUNDINGS in regard to that and rarely if ever looking at my interior physical structures…for what they provided in the realm of my mindset or what I felt was possible to achieve, and how I percieved myself in the world. I can see new levels at which I took my body for granted.

Ignorance is bliss has a new meaning…I continually get irritated with strangers who are having superfluous conversations or are gossiping. Really? I think THIS is what people spend the minutes of their life on when they dont have an issue or a challenge or a focus? WTF? For the same reason I don’t watch the news often as I find much of it to be LEGITIMIZED GOSSIP and speculation and rarely any real news. Certainly not positive news, and I guard my optimism with a fierce vigilance. I don’t need the poison thrust on me from some deliberatedly dramatic headline or some ridiculous fluff involving some celebrity gone to hell in a hand basket. I’m not saying having a cause or a purpose is any better, it’s just what makes it all worth while and interesting. After all you know what they say about an unexamined life…definitly NOT worth living.

So I celebrate my calves today, for all that they were for what they still are and for all they will continue to provide! Take a moment and celebrate your own won’t you? Have a love fest with your whole body in fact! Appreciate what you’ve got when you’ve got it. Take care of it and hold it dear, value it and give it rest. You never know when you’ll need those reserves of energy and stregnth.

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TV and News Fast for clarity

Friday, March 19th, 2010 by annemarie

So last week after getting home from the hospital, and dealing with being pissed off and trying to heal plus getting back in the swing of things re: my clients and meetings with my employees etc….IT ALL FELT A LIKE BIT TOO MUCH!

There I said it. whew. Part of me was just resigned – “really you had to screw up around me? really after all my good intentions and preperations and patience with rescheduling the procedure in the 1st place …really? you had to treat me like the asshole patient…the last thing I need right now is another project…and I’m in pain…I have a new speechless speech to write, blah blah blah… why did you have to be a turd on my watch??? Really? (I get it why people would just tolerate bad service and not communicate after out of sheer relief from being out of there!)

Then I did what I tell my clients to do in the Master Plan program and from time to time when they get uber busy and need all their faculties firing at 100%~ I went on a TV and News FAST. Since last thursday March 11th, I’ve not watched 1 thing: no news cast, no entertainment news no talkshows no late night no movies no media with the exception of what I catch from managing my facebook presence and the occasional email that includes articles. I did read Forbes~ which I’ll be blogging about later! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH what a relief and a pleasure it’s been: the absence of noise is a gift and a blessing.

Long ago I read a book by a native american professor from UC Berkley I believe, called 19 arguments for the Elimination of Television, and it shaped my use of TV. I moderate it just as one might moderate their sweettooth. I indulge during football season, and I limit it the rest of the year really. This allows me to be responsible for my mental space keeping it clear and focused: I am not unduly influenced by a proliferation of loud commercials for drugs I do not need, clothes I do not need, etc etc. Anything truly news worthy I will, hear about on Facebook or from a waitress in a restaurant. I am tired of news as entertainment or INFOtainment, which is really not News at all- it’s legitimized gossip. It’s harmful to people and useless, it’s derisive and distracting. BLECH. It’s like a diet of cheesepuffs alone~initially tasty but eventually insubstantial and destructive and constipating. Who needs mental constipation?

At any rate, I have been astoundingly prolific and freed up and happy as a result! Yes HAPPY, as I write and think and create and become more fully engaged in creating the life I want. Despite all the stuff: ALS, Recovering from surgery, CRAPPY service for the 1st 18hrs at the hospital, adjusting to the peg tube …which sucks by the way~ it smells, naturally like I suppose your tummy smells, it gets in the way of wearing a bra: and if you saw my lingerie collection you’d understand my upset here…and is a puss secreting extra belly button, that Goddamn well better extend my life by 10years for all this frackin MESS in my house! ERGH. Yep like I said I’m happy.

It’s amazing what a little clarity can provide even in the midst of several annoying circumstances. I may just leave my TV off for a month just to see how much I can get done! Today I feel especially well after giving myself permission to sleep as long as I wanted…12 hours it was…with only 1 bathroom break…delish! It’s my MANTRA~ Self-Care is the pathway to sustainable excellence.
I’m walking my talk, baby, just watch me kick some ass now. Time for a rawfood protien shake and coffee on the roof top. After all it’s 63 degrees and gorgeos here in Chicago right now!

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Vanity is out the window…and Take Care of yourself anyway

Friday, October 30th, 2009 by annemarie

While most of my “looking Good” conversation is out the window…especially when eating in public now! There are a few things that I’ve done to alleviate the concern of my clients and my friends. Sometimes I wonder if I should make the effort to look healthy, as if that practice might give people false hope, however I find it helpful to look good for myself. Fake it til you make it, baby. This summer for the 1st time in 25+ years I got a tan. Not only did it feel fantastic to lie in the sun, but it felt even better to recieve all the compliments from my friends and family about how good I looked! Back in my old corporate job, I used to dress up alot, especially when I didn’t feel well and had to perform at work. The same practice serves me well in being powerful around my symptoms with ALS. Can I get a “You look Marvelous!”? 

Just yesterday I had a frightening experience as I was getting ready to speak to my Letip networking group…I could barely apply Mascara as my right hand shook from the effort to hold the brush. This is yet another milestone in the disintegration of my hand stregnth, the last one was a day in July ( I forget the exact day ) at 11:30 am exactly: as I was writing in my journal I lost half my right hand strength.My penmanship hasn’t been the same since.

Now -”What’s the Point?” you might be asking…and there are actually several:

1) Don’t take today’s functions for granted.  Appreciate the ability to hold a coffee mug and to eat in public with out a bib.

2) No matter how your day begins it can alter in a moment~ I got 2 new clients out of that speech! ( and I can barely speak )

3) Vanity may be out the window but there still is something to taking care of yourself as  practice – no matter what condition you have it’s very difficult to succumb to doom and gloom when you know you look great AND more importantly you are taking care of yourself. Don’t spend too much time mourning the aptitudes and strengths you may be diminishing, spend a bit more energy honoring the wellness that you have.

Concerning our last point: A tip – once your hands are too weak to style your hair daily~ I can do it sometimes but when I’m tired it’s too difficult to hold my arms up ~ you can find some old school resources to assist you. For example – I can no longer hold a hairdryer so today I bought a traditional Hard Bonnet Hair Dryer on my hairdresser’s advice…and I’m thrilled! I can sit and write while my hair gets dried and curls up beautifully.  

So- Vanity does fly out the window fairly quickly when you are dealing with a neuro muscular issue as drooling becomes common place and your emotions hit the wall as they do from time to time when you’ve been told there is an expiration date on your forehead…when I am tired my emotional lability kicks in. FYI- Emotional lability is when one has an inapropriate emotional response to a mild stimulus, bursting into tears when you drop a pen for example (often being unable to stop crying) or laughing hysterically at something mildly amusing. Your loved one’s will understand when you breakdown in tears over a dropped fork. Everyone else can just deal with themselves.

Take care of yourself  ANY WAY YOU CAN.

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