Ladies you will all get this! Most guys too I think…You know that magic number? The one on the scale? The place where your image of your body meets the measure of the scale and you are VALIDATED by it’s number and the reflection in the mirror??? Yeah well…BLECH, Baloney and BS to that! I am now 5 lbs less than my perfect adult weight and that just isn’t the experience.

I do of course realize that this is also a function of my “magic #” having been formed at a peak level of health and strength for my body around the age of 24 and at the height of my strength training prowress. The last time I was 155 I had 10% body fat and was ripped. Thus 20 years later after being over weight as much as 90 lbs and after contracting an illness which has limited my movement for 4 years already, that Magic # in my head is so far removed from reality as to be ridiculous. I really had to deal with myself this week about how much effort and energy had been put into “If only I weighed 155…” everything would turn out and be a goddamn rosegarden…I didn’t think I was a sucker for that line of thought but I was! All my fantasy wardrobe,that I could now afford, would fit effortlessly and my life was suppose to read like a smart sexy romance novel on crack…yeah, not so much.

If I had taken 1/10th of the energy I poured into that line of thinking, starting weight loss journals each New Year and 2 m’s before my Birthday, just 1/10th the energy…and put that into a single purpose, any purpose, as simple as what actions to take right now, or what would move me forward in the moment right now? I’d have been a more fulfilled human being.

Since I read “Tuesday’s with Morrie”, I’ve been looking at this idea of learning how to live by learning how to die. This conversation about weight is just one reason I don’t envy the young, I envy the old…their wisdom, their vision, their perspective, their years…that’s what I envy…longevity. Not the Magic number on the scale, but moments measured in smiles and tears and accomplishment.