Oy vey. One thing I SUCK at. Asking for help and assistance. I’m too little too late most of the time. I got a bad case of the “I think I cans” and the “I’m fine on my owns” and all that ain’t neccessarliy so…

The truth is it’s time. I need help with some things: opening bottles and containers everything from hot chocolate packets to bottles of juice. I now need help filing and cleaning my nails. Dressing in many of my clothes has become a joint project, forget making the bed and opening the mail! I’m all about delegating that. So I’m thinking of having someone come in for 30 mins to an hour a day to handle all that jazz and call in a carryout order for fresh pressed veggie juice as I’m not even pretending to use my juicer anymore. Maybe we can throw some physical therapy in there while we are at it? We’ll see.

At my Doctor’s appointment It became clear my thumbs are aching from tendonitis because I’m trying to do more than the muscle can handle~ I’ve already begun to switch over to thinner lighter bath towels I guess I need to buy more. My house keeper comes 1/wk and my assistant graciously helps pick up things and do light cleaning before we meet, but I think it’s time to give up on “I think I can” and embrace being interdependent. Maybe even consider enjoying it…maybe.

I am loathe to give up my privacy and the solitude of my home. The idea of having an appointment everyday to handle mudane chores exhausts me…perhaps we’ll begin with 3 times a week. I think I need to ease into this as helpful as it maybe…I’m having a hard time letting go of my independence…apparently I’m a bit attached. I think I have it confused with or collapsed with invalid…in-valid…as in not capable or valid as a human being. Since this makes me cry I’m sure that’s the heart of it. I can see I’ve been dreading this day, making it mean something it doesnot mean. Afterall it’s not personal, it’s just what’s wanted and needed to maintain a particular standard of living. I have given my parents the homework of reading Share the Care : How to organize a Group to care for someone that is Seriously Ill, by Cappy Capossela and Shiela Warnock. I however have avoided getting to far into it.

I know people want to contribute and I need to let them. It will enrich them and me…just gimme a minute.

Viva Interdependence!