It’s at times overwhelming, due to the number of ideas I have that I know will not be produced in my lifetime, nor even commented on by me. I have legal pad after legal pad of ideas for everything from blog articles to books to products and services. I frequently give them away. My coach~ Yes I have a coach, AND any executive coach who does not utilize a coach for themselves should NEVER BE HIRED in my humble opinion~ any way, my coach says I am the most prolific person she has ever met. Much of the work we do revolves around clearing my head,my spirit and heart of emotional and mental/psychological barriers that would impede my “work”, and look to discern which projects are wanted and needed to come to fruition now.

I blame Julia Cameron in the most grateful way, as well as Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi; the authors of “The Artists Way” and “Flow: The psychology of Optimal Experience” respectively. I read Mihaly’s work in my early 20’s and began practicing the Artists Way when I was in my mid 20’s. This coupled with an intense period of study in transformational thinking, and a voracious reading habit all led me to create my own program for personal productivity: The Master Plan. I became an expert at 2 things: planning my work & working my plan, and keeping my mind clear, present and focused in the face of anything. My ability to do that coupled with a newly developed healthy interest in self-care has provided me with the reserves to be consistently creative. In short I am attuned, much like a radio signal is honed in on a specific channel; resulting in my ability to get in the FLOW and produce effortlessly. Not all of what I produce is great or effective, and much of it is extremely useful. I experience being blessed and that’s about all I can ask for really.

I wonder how much of this is related to ALS. How much of my unrelenting focus can be attributed to having a REAL deadline. Though I have no idea when I’ll die, I do have the experience of ~ do it now! before it’s all gone! DIE BIG as George Carlin would say… AND I find I am not depressed or saddened by this when I’m alone ~ it’s usually when I get present to the impact of my death on others that I am emotional. The thing is it doesn’t occur like a burden or a PRESS or any unnatural push to get things accomplished… it really occurs like living in the flow, being connected to the UNIVERSE and knowing my part.

This is the key, knowing my part and being clear in my purpose. As a friend of my client Catherine used to say; “There’s your work and there’s God’s work. You can’t do everything, just do your part well.” In my experience, once you know your part the rest comes easy. It took me 40 years to get clear on my part to play, interestingly enough the experience of life is a lot like playing… all the time.

I need more rest now. That’s just how it is, and I’m struggling to be with that’s just how it is…which is odd for me. Usually I am more than eager to grasp what’s so about any given situation, because I know if I can get down to what’s accurate I will always have power around a situation. I guess it started when the emotions were beginning to interfere with me being with my clients. You see as long as the spotlight isn’t on me, I’m good. No worries. I’m present and focused and right in the conversation. However, the moment I am asked about myself, I get teary eyed and sad and my jaw is paralyzed into a 2 yr old’s pout complete with protruding lower lip!
I feel like a Dr. Jekyl, Mr. Hyde situation….powerfully coaching and making a difference one moment/ an inconsolable crying emotional wave rider the next. So I’ve kept the focus on others during my days as much as possible, however as my energy has flagged I see the need to be more forth coming about slowing down my pace.

I’ve created a disconnect for people I think, because the person they see isn’t what they hear when I speak … and the person they interact with isn’t the person who needs 2 naps a day and 2-3 days of rest on the weekends. Or maybe it is…and I just need to communicate what I need and tell the truth. I now see that I’ve been distancing myself by not communicating what’s accurate about my condition and what I now need and will soon need to keep moving, being productive and living powerfully with ALS. I don’t feel like I’ve been in denial, more like I’ve been acting or hiding what’s really going on. And that’s just ridiculous! I started this blog so I could have a venue for expressing what was really happening, so it’s time to tell the truth and ask for what I need!

Only – I suck at asking for what I need – this event has taught me that! My identity is still wrapped up in the “strong like Bull” vision of myself even though I’m half way into a wheel chair…and back to sleeping 12+ hours on my time off, which is 3 days a week. If I don’t completely shut down for 2-3 days a week I’m useless the other 4. UGH. I intend to emulate the woman who I helped across the street last week…primal scream therapy is for me!

Here’s a few things I need that you may be able to assist me with:
You may not know someone, but you may know someone who know’s someone….ya know?? At any rate…

I need a PR person to assist me with my business, next years fundraising campaign ( which I intend to take national ) and getting my story out.

I need sales people to market and sell my executive coaching programs in the Chicago, Denver and Los Angeles areas. I have program leaders being trained, but what makes a good program leaders may or may not make a good sales person!

I need a good internet marketing person who can produce results…I know my program is effective – amazingly so…and I realize in this market it’s 10% quality of content and 90% marketing… this person needs to be able to convey the authentic value of the Master Plan and actually give a poo about altering the way people are managed…and how they manage themselves.

I need a biography writing partner…I have enough books in the works – I need assistance on this one.

I need 400 smiling happy faces at my fundraiser Weds eve…2-10-2010…500 N Lasalle…7-11pm…

then I need a vacation!