I find it interesting when faced with a chronic health condition that one deals with a never ending stream of insults. Somedays it seems as if my body can’t wait to spring a new surprise on me! Ha! you thought you could still lift that? Not so much! or Open this? Oh No sister! I have also noticed that each progressive wound or weakness barely gets adjusted to when another rears it’s ugly head…Some times it’s just a bit much. A few months ago I wrote about the ongoing state of grief and being responsible for it, allowing for it, giving oneself the space and grace to be with it. Since then I see the grieving cycle as a stunted thing, given that I never seem to work my way through the whole way of it…to forgiveness and peace. Not before another insult pops up to smack me on the head. I feel more stuck in the fear/ grief/ anger/ action cycle…The best part of this is that I am fairly adept at turning anger into action, and productivity makes me happy! Or at least feel like I’m doing something useful in the face of feeling like crap.
I often wonder if the purpose of any chronic and serious health issue is to train us in emotional wisdom. There are few places afterall that one can actually get trained in dealing powerfully with emotions. Our corporate cultures encourage the supression of emotion, “there’s no crying in Baseball” , banking, business etc etc. I used to work in an enviroment that discounted emotions. I now believe that practice has been harmful to my health. A better way would have been to acknowledge what was/is there emotionally and then move past it. Preferably in such a way that one isn’t upsetting others in the process. David Rock, in his book “Your Brain at Work” suggests we have managing emotions all wrong, noting how the supression of emotion shuts down the capacity of our pre-frontal cortex to function and throws us into a fight or flight mentality very quickly~ which in turn prohibits high productivity AND innovation.
Even with my symptom of Emotional Lability, I see that when it comes to emotions you reap what you sew~ FAST! The more I focus on Joy and Happiness, especially when I am diligent about my visualizations for the future: regarding my health my work my business, the more my automatic setting is optimism and happiness. Not some freaky blissed out goofy happy, but a constant state of rightness, purpose and joy. I’ve got plenty of reasons to sit my tush on the couch and wail. Believe me you, I get frustrated and pissed off ALL the TIME, however most of that passes like a brief rain shower in the islands…and then I’m back on the horse, in the game and creating a conversational diet for myself that is focused on having a fulfilling and happy experience regardless of any insult to my physical capacity, mental or emotional space. In this way ALS has been a gift, allowing me to know myself as someone who transcends ALS on a dailiy basis. I have become transcendent. And that is a very cool thing.