What’s that quote by Gandalf in the “Tale of the Two Towers”? Something of the order of…”Years and Years of waiting for people to get it together and suddenly I don’t have enough time!” This is a gross extrapolation on my part, and it’s exactly how I feel right now!
It could be because my event – the 1st annual Kiss My ALS Party/ Fundraiser begins in 10 days, or it could be that my surgery to install a feeding tube is now being pushed with the vigor of a broke used car salesman, or perhaps it’s because my energy has been lower and I’m behind on writing the workbook for the Master Plan program…AND we launch our 1st teleseminar February 18th! visit www.masterplanseminar.com for more information…either way all I can think about it there’s not enough time and the pressure is on!
I am not yet in full panic about the event – even though I can see I have tried to do too much and I haven’t delegated well, and I under-estimated both the expense of the event and the tendency of folks to wait til the last minute to purchase their tickets…FYI it would be a BIG FAT SUPPORT if ya’ll could buy your tickets SOONER aka NOW rather than later…so I can get a bead on the attendance. Please go to the event page on this site or to www.als.net and visit their event page to register…every dime we take in goes to ALS-TDI and the research they are doing there.
If I tell the truth, I’ve been living inside the conversation of ” There’s not enough time” since my diagnosis in March. Before then I had no lable or context for my condition – I only had symptoms and actions to correct the symptoms. I didn’t have a community or a type of disease or any expectation of what was to come. This is both good and bad. Good in that it’s brought me a laser focus to my work and to my speaking…I simply don’t waste my breathe if what I’m about to say is trivial or not critical to move the conversation forward. Good in that I’ve devoted this year to completing projects ( always an achillies heel for me~ I’m the QUEEN of leaving it 95% done) and fulfilling on my promises. Bad in so far as I’m fighting the mind set that there is no cure or process of healing for ALS. I refuse to believe this. There must be a way. It must be out there and I will do what there is to do in the meantime to keep myself in optimal health regarless of my condition.
My “condition” is slowing me down and it’s pissing me off! Just in the last 2 months, typing has become more of a struggle, both for accuracy and for my ability to write for long periods of time. I need to take frequent breaks…in my next post I’ll blog about some tricks to conserve my energy I have recieved from my genius Speech pathologist, Harvey Ostriecher. My forearms ache, as does my back from just above my waist to my shoulder blades. The muscle twitching has gone into overdrive feeling like hundreds of fireants are busy under my skin eating my connective tissue alive along the outside of my thighs, ribcage and across my tummy.
I am being a complete and total WUSS about my by-pap machine, which makes me feel as though I am suffocating under water, and turns me into an audible blubbering drooling fish face. Pretty. I am crystal clear this is just the beginning of my surrender to machines to support my every bodily function. Lovely. What a pain in my fat ass. Honestly. I finally have the vision and purpose and life’s work question sorted out for my self and now it’s a goddamn race. Really? Too bad I don’t have the Wizard’s staff and the White stallion to ride away into the sunset with, it’s so much more picturesque.